If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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