Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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