There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
