I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
