That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
