Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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