you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
