thus making me awesome and them whores
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize