i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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