mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
