hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
