just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize