Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
