dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
