Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
