I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize