morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
