I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
