I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
