just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
