wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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