I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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