please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
