I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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