I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
