you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So squirting runs in the family.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
