I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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