I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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