i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
