When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I smell stomach acid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
