porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
