Me. At least after what I've been through.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
