my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
