Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
