My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
