I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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