I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
