you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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