Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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