Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
