come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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