i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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