Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
look no pants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
