how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He kissed a someone with a penis
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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