If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
