soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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