my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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