i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize