My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
