Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
