So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
