He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
