took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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