I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
