dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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