he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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