Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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