my sisters under your porch take her home
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
