i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
