If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
even my farts smell like vagina
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
