at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
