Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
