New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
