Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
