dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize