At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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