I wish I only lived at night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
