Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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