Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize