Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You took a bar mat shot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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