First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We just shotgunned beers for America
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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