my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize